WARNING: This post is FULL OF SPOILERS… but don’t worry too much – you’ve seen this film before…
Date seen: Thursday 25th July 2019
Starring: Donald Glover, Beyoncé, Chiwetel Ejiofor
Directed by: Jon Favreau
It was the first day of the summer holidays. It was unbelievably hot. I’d exhausted all options for keeping the girls cool and entertained:
- Paddling pool
- Sand/water garden games
- Mini tennis tournament (mostly hitting each other with tennis rackets as opposed to the usual bare hand)
- Even booked them in for an eye test in the afternoon (Boots Opticians have same day appointments, air conditioning AND it was kind of educational/good to confirm they don’t need glasses just for the craic of it)
But that only took us to 3pm, the hottest part of the day at 34 degrees. Definitely time for the cinema. The Lion King was the obvious choice although I had not been relishing the thought of seeing the same film made again with “real lions”. And when the opening sequence was take for take exactly the same as the animation I thought oh boy here we go again. Just like the stage musical, this version of The Lion King is going to be exactly the same as the original animation. What pray tell is the point of that.
From the first scene I knew I’d been right all along and my worst fears about this film were coming to life before my eyes. Lions are big cats. Cats don’t give a shit about anyone or anything. You read this on their feline faces. No emotion. Just feed me and leave me alone. I’m a cat FFS don’t ask me to act out a drama. Whilst the animated lions of the original film could be made to laugh and cry, these live action creations just looked annoyed at the world all the time like all cats do. I love cats.
The script had been updated for 2019. Saravi (Simba’s mother incase you didn’t even clock her name in the original) was given credit for her role in ruling the pride. Turns out first lady of Pride Rock is not just a ceremonial cub-licker/waterhole killjoy. She’s out there leading the charge against the hyenas. She’s putting her creepy brother-in-law in check. She’s the bedrock of the lion community when times are tough. It did at times feel like Disney was going through this whole charade of making their existing films all over again so that they can make them a little less sexist. Whatever helps you sleep at night once you’ve finished counting your money…
There were a few surprises thrown in there. I loved what they did with Timon and Pumba and my favourite song of the movie “In the Jungle the might jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!!!!!”. But then right after something good they’d do something dumb like sing “Can you feel the love tonight” in broad daylight.
When Rafiki got his walking stick out and started clubbing hyenas I was about to scratch my eyeballs out but then I heard peels of laughter ringing out all around me. You see throughout this monstrosity of a movie, the children had been absolutely loving it. It dawned on me that I’m an adult now (I know right) and this film is no longer for me, it’s for my children. And of course what did they ask in the car on the way home?
Mummy, can we watch the cartoon Lion King when we get home?
Seriously.
